Issue #9

Chris Jones, Survivor

By Glen Willard

Our “survivor” this issue of Willard Marketing Monthly is the inimitable, the inestimable, the esteemed, Chris Jones.

Why the flowery introduction? Why not, I ask? Is there anyone in the Kyiv expat community who does not know Chris Jones? Chris, the storyteller, the raconteur; bon viant, man of humor; the man who gladly takes the microphone at any party or event.

Yes all Kyiv seems to know the likeable, not so ‘genteel’, Irishman. Actually, Chris was born to a Welsh father and to an Irish mother and in England; it is he that says he still is more Irish than English.

Let the reader be reminded of what this “Survivor” series is all about. It is about those, mostly expats, who came to Ukraine in what can be called “the early days”. Those were the days generally shortly after the demise of the Soviet Union. Those were the days when Kyiv was not the bright neon lit city of today, filled with too many choices of finer and fancy restaurants and oh so many entertainment venues. They were the days of cheap everything, of the absence or scarcity of many ordinary and necessary things, of rampant inflation, of the use of carbonets as currency, of a Boryspil airport that was dark and dirty and difficult to get through, of a time when the militia looked, and was, military-like with machine guns and such at their sides; a time of body guards and menacing looking Ukrainian mafia–like types all in, seemingly identical, dark black, ill fitting suits. It was a time of some trouble where the body of a man that had been shot dead might lie in the street for a day or two and then mysteriously disappear.

Yes, interesting times. And those who came to Ukraine, lived through it, and are still here are those who we call “survivors” and those of whom we write. Chris Jones is one of them,

Chris arrived in Kyiv in 1994. He came to Ukraine from Afghanistan,

I’ve asked Chris why he stays in Ukraine. His answer, “Something makes me laugh everyday.” There is more in that answer as will be told soon.

Why Chris stayed in Ukraine initially, however, relates more to the fact that, on arrival, he had come from Afghanistan and to a story Chris told me of his experiences on the first night he spent in Ukraine.

Now it could be said of Chris, that he, like the late great country folkstory teller, humorist, comedian, Jerry Clower, doesn’t so much tell funny stories, but rather, he tells “stories funny”. And his story of his first experiences in Ukraine was told to me funny.

Remember, Chris had come to Ukraine from a land of burkas, a place where a man, a visitor particularly, could not even talk to a person of the opposite sex. A place where taking strong drink was prohibited. And here he was in Ukraine, a land filled with beautiful women with whom one could converse and where vodka as well as other spirits flowed freely.

Now I certainly can’t retell the story of Chris’ first evening in Ukraine and I will not try. This, for two reasons: first, I can’t make it as funny as Chris did; second, it’s too ribald for our magazine. Suffice it to say that it involved Chris and three young women who, by chance, all were of different nationalities. Anyway, an exotic first night for a much younger Chris, the details of which are charmingly funny and, in Ukraine at least, no laws were broken and no one was harmed.

Chris’ adventures outside his English homeland began about 34 years ago when as a young man of 23 he took a job as construction supervisor in Iran on a 2-year contract. There he met a man who became a friend who told him something like, “Everyday I try to laugh. The day I stop laughing I’ll be gone; there won’t be reason to stay.” This became a source of part of Chris’ philosophy and gives an understanding to Chris’ answer above.

Prior to coming to Ukraine Chris’ work had taken him not only to Iran but also has included stints in Germany, France, Algeria, Spain, Saudi Arabia, Pakistan, Afghanistan and I believe at least one or two other places I failed to list. Chris, one sees, is much traveled.

When Chris first came to Ukraine in 1994 he stayed at the Rus Hotel. He said the hotel was dark but quite in those days and mentioned something about having “mystery meat and potatoes’ to eat there every night. About those times he also says one could get 10 people drunk for $5 and one couldn’t spend $100 if he tried. He also commented on the quietness of Kyiv in those days and, in what would surprise a newcomer today, the lack of automobiles in the city.

Chris came to Ukraine originally for 30 days and to look around. He was looking at the possibility of work in Poland and Sweden as well as Ukraine. He came at the request of the USAID and extended the work for 90 days. He’s been here since. He originally worked to complete a building for the USAID and he did other work at their instigation as they had problems in those early days.

Chris’ background was originally in electrical engineering. He also had much experience in general construction, particularly in supervisory positions. Once in Ukraine and during as well as after doing work with USAID, Chris did some work in Poland and acquired an ownership position in a building he worked on there. He also began to get into rentals locally and did a lot of renovation and reconstruction of rental units that he or others would own. He had a large hand in the completion of Horizon Towers as well as in its lease up and its management.

Chris met his longtime girlfriend, now his wife, Zhena he says, he thinks, about 1997 or ’98. One can see that Chris the younger was no “sexpat” (for the uninformed, a derisory term for those expats who come to Kyiv for 3 days to a week on a planned trip to meet girls…you know, the ones in the restaurants with two girls, the extra being the paid translator that was a part of the deal).

If one knows Chris, one knows Zhena. She’s a delight. Though Chris and Zhena have been together a long time it’s only relatively recently (a couple of years now though, I think) that they have been married.

To hear Chris tell of the marriage ceremony is hilarious; another story told funny. They went to Poland and got married. Simple story, right? Ah, but the ceremony was held in a gas filled and fired balloon, high in the air. And there is much more, but I think only Chris, or maybe Zhena, could tell it well. Chris, however, assured me that the non-church located ceremony was all very legal because, he said, “It was nearer to God.”