Tough Love

The Sagacious Swami of Spin Answers the Tough Questions

The Swami was asked the other day by the media if it were true he didn't much care for cuddly dogs, cute children, purring kittens or Bono, the saintly pop and rock singer. His reply was a quick, "Yeah, sure, I like pit bulls."

Though not the most diplomatic character around, we have been assured by the Swami's agent that he is, indeed, rather knowledgeable on questions of marketing and even takes on difficult work place issues from time-to-time.

So, if you have a question for the Swami, just drop him a line at swami@twg.com.ua . While your answer might not make it into print, we can assure you the Swami will  answer your question in less time than it takes to get an answer from Dear Abby. .

Dear Swami,
After five years as working as an account executive I was let go due to the downturn in the economy. Do you think I should wait around for another ad job to come along, or is the industry simply not going to get back to where it was?
Let Go In Kyiv

Dear Let Go,
If you "wait around" for another ad job chances are spider webs will form on your eyelids and your internal organs will turn to sawdust. That's the best case scenario.

Get off your duff. Shake a leg. Get some gumption.

First, the ad industry is Biblical. Remember when that guy Moses came off a mountain with those Ten Commandments. Well Miss Bubba, that was advertising. It's been here before you, and it will be here when the robots take over.

But it's grim out there right now. The ad agencies with diversified portfolios of international and local clients seem to be holding their own. Some agencies have restructured, which is a polite term for cutting expenses. Others are toast.

My suggestion is not to let any grass grow under those pretty feet. Start looking now-but, believe me, you can't get a job just with  a Colgate smile and the fact you're sober most days. You need to differentiate yourself.

In a lot of agencies, account executives-even account leaders-are order takers. You're going to have to prove to a new boss you're something special and that your cranium is chock full of bright ideas.

The Swami predicts things will get better in mid 2010.  But if you haven't had your oar in the water, your boat is still tethered to the shore. In a hurricane, the shore is least safest of harbors. 


Dear Swami,
Willard Marketing Monthly seems to be saying in its issues that the day of the television is dead. Don't you think you are being a little presumptuous when everyone knows the TV spot is the best bargain when you consider reach?
TV Fan


Dear TV Fan,
I think I am going to scream and hold my breath until I turn blue. I am tired of hearing so-called sophisticated marketers wrapped up in reach-think.  The sex life of an amoeba is more relevant to your business.

It's all about the effective delivery of messages to people who give a damn about what you're saying. It's about an emotional and a rational connection. It's not about reaching zombies. You're talking to people who see and hear  thousands of messages a day.

The Swami loves television.  There was a time it was the fastest, most effective way to get information into the blood stream of the public. But the way it is used today it is a past-tense medium.

Take a quick test: When the television block comes on, what to you do? 1.) Head to the john; 2.) Lather a sandwich with Chumak mayonnaise; 3.) Discuss whose doing what to whom and how; or 4.) Sit like a dummy and watch 12 minutes of commercials.

If you said No. 4, you're a media salesperson and probably beyond redemption. Or, you might be a corporate media type for a large FMCG company and believe reach is still the safe bet, which means you're a dinosaur waiting for the meteor.

To be relevant, television advertising is going to have to evolve. It is going to have to learn how to interact with social networks and to deliver messages in formats other than little 30 second movies.

It doesn't take a genius to recognize this-only the average consumer, and he or she can't be bothered because they busy utilizing multiple entertainment and social platforms.

Dear Swami,
I'm new to agency work, and recently, while negotiating with a potential supplier for services to be provided during an event for a client, the supplier's manager told me he'd mark up the invoice an extra UAH 1,000, put UAH 500 extra in his pocket, and give me UAH 500 for sending the work to his firm. I asked a colleague about this, and she told me that it was a good way to make extra money.
I fear that if my chief finds out, I'll lose my job. What should I do?
Confused

Dear Confused,
Well, first off, your chief most likely will never find out about it. Go ahead, thief, take the money and run. You will just be one more person contributing to the delinquency of Ukraine, a mere drop in the bucket.

Isn't that the answer you wanted?

Okay, I'm going to give you my white sneakers view, and you can take it for what it's worth.

Whether you steal 500 hyrnva or $5,000, it's all the same. You're a thief.  You can't be half pregnant. This is the decision most people in our business in Ukraine have to make early on, and, frankly, a good many go over to the dark side.

What is the main downside in the Swami's view?  Bribes or inducements are not committed in a vacuum. If one person knows about it, so do others. And there, Pop Goes the Weasel also goes your reputation.

What price do you put on your reputation? If you answer that question the right way, then you will be an attribute to our profession, and not a dirty damn, flea-bitten dog of a low down thief.