Issue #14

Tough Love with the Omniscient Pablo Pistachio

Dear Swami,

I’m fed up with my job as in-house PR specialist in an FMCG company. My boss is an idiot and will never understand public relations. I feel like marching into his office and telling this cretin off. I have another, better paying job lined up. Don’t you think it would be good for this numbskull to know just why I’ m leaving?

Fed Up

Dear Fed Up,

Whoa. Slow down a little.

“Idiot? Cretin? Numbskull?” Are you positive? Ask yourself the question: What do I have to gain by walking out the door tossing hand grenades over my shoulder? Momentary satisfaction can be followed by long-term misery.

It is certainly fair to tell your boss why you were dissatisfied, but it is also smart to balance this with a “thanks for the opportunity and I wish you well.” Be constructive instead of destructive as you exit.

Someone came up with the saying “don’t burn your bridges” for a reason. Instead of burning bridges, paint the bridge as you cross it. You want your former saying good things about you.

Reputations are made or destroyed by word of mouth. Make sure you don’t have a big mouth.

Swami

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2010-12-09

Dear Swami,

My PR agency is about to enter a pitch. What is the most important attribute with which a public relations company can differentiate itself from the competition?

-Searching

Dear Searching,

The easiest and most politically correct answer, of course, is an agency’s people. However, in an advertising pitch that is less a differentiating point than a boast that hasn’t been proven. Your people today might have been the competition’s people a year ago.

Every agency says they have the best people, most creative team and the most strategic ways of thinking. They also say they are “results oriented.” If everyone is saying it, such pronouncements have gravitas of cotton candy.

The Swami’ suggestion is to look into your company’s culture and determine if there is something truly different. Better yet, show the prospective client how different you are during the pitch by thoroughly researching the client’s business.

If you can latch on to the client’s worst nightmare—and offer solutions—than you will have a leg up in any competition.

-Swami

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2010-11-30

Dear Swami,

I have read that some CEOs pay staff to write their Facebook statuses, Twitter messages and blogs. Could this possibly be true? If so, how can we trust anything a CEO says on social networks? Does the Swami really write Tough Love?

- Confused

Dear Confused,

Yes, Toto, you’re not in Kansas any more. Welcome to the real world of corporate gobbledygook.

Politicians have a long history of hiring speech writer and staff to write their columns and blogs. But everyone knows that this is just so much B.S. But the Swami thinks it is very disingenuous and silly for corporate heads to do the same.

Presumably, the CEO (or political figure) has approved these missives. But one has to wonder.

The good news is that an average intelligent Aardvark can tell when a CEO or politician is being ghost written. The writing sounds phony, does not venture into new territory, and has messages billboarded as if they were positioning statements.

I personally like to read Richard Edelman’s blog—he of the independent PR company Edelman—at http://www.edelman.com/speak_up/blog/. It’s the real McCoy, ringing with personal observations and genuine opinions.

As for Tough Love, yeah, it’s written by the Swami. However, I do channel P.T. Barnum on occasion.

- Swami

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2010-11-16

Dear Swami,

Studies have shown that purchased articles have absolutely no credibility. Still, companies in Eastern Europe continue to engage in the unethical practice of buying news stories. Why is this?

Fed Up

Dear Fed Up,

I am inclined to answer "because they are idiots." But that is a rather flip answer to a very important question.

They do it because it is convenient. They do it because their PR departments are lazy. They do it because they are under the misinformed opinion that purchasing press is the only way to get news into print.

The Swami finds it interesting that otherwise ethical companies who pride themselves in their corporate social responsibility programs think they need to purchase press. I got news for them, you can't be socially responsible and purchase press.

The two positions are incongruent. You can't be half pregnant. If you are a socially responsible company, you do not buy press. Still, a huge chunk of multi-national companies working in Ukraine engage in this sad practice.

Perhaps we should print their names.

The Swami

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2010-11-02

Hey, Swami!

In social settings, people invariably ask: "What do you do?" When I tell them that I'm a marketing manager, their eyes glaze over.
Is there a cleverer way to talk about my profession without scaring people away?

-Marketer

Dear Marketer,

You have to be kidding. A marketer is like Elvis without the cape but with the big belt buckle inscribed TCB-Taking Care of Business.

Is it possible you have some other problem? Do you floss? You're not road kill ugly, are you?

I mean, marketing managers keep the world in motion. Without folks like you brands would be flatter than a tiny tot's mud pie souffl?. You give life to brands. You're the Dr. House of advertising.

So, next time someone asks, "What do you do?" , tell them you passed on being a Cosmonaut to become a marketing manager.

You're the man.

-Swami

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2010-09-21

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