Tough Love with the Omniscient Pablo Pistachio

Dear Swami,

Which job would you never, ever consider?

--Wondering

 

Dear Wondering,

Well, I had no interest in being a swami, but when you have the gift you can't run and you can't hide. The powers stick to you like Elmer's glue, white on rice and whore house perfume.

But I have been a carnie at a fairgrounds, a pin-setter at a bowling alley, a door-to-door donut salesman, a bagboy at a supermarket, a baseball umpire and a grounds keeper at a ball park-all of which prepared me for the PR and ad business.

When I was a young journalist, I said I would never be in the PR business. PR folks were paid better than newspaper reporters but we knights of the city desk thought they were a little smarmy.

You might say hello to a PR guy if you bumped into him, but you wouldn't invite him for a beer and a game of eight-ball, call pocket. And you certainly wouldn't introduce him to your kid sister.

Times change. We change.

I eventually ended up in the PR game, and am pretty proud of the profession-at least most days. It's kind of fun helping businesses solve problems.

But I haven't answered your question. What job would I never consider?

Snake handler in a zoo.  I hate snakes.

Swami


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2010-07-14

Dear Swami,

My PR agency has been asked to pitch for a relatively small project for an industrial client. I called to confirm we would be in the tender and the company PR director said, in essence, "That's great. The more the merrier. You're the eighth confirmation." Don't you think that's too many agencies chasing thus small piece of business?

Signed: Tired of Chasing Rainbows

 

Dear Tired,

Pitches like this are often called "cattle calls" You're not a cow, and you don't run with the herd. Send the pitch-happy company thanks but no thanks and walk away from this so-called tender. You would have a better chance betting on a turtle race.

But you raise a good question. When is it best not to pursue a pitch? The Swami suggests you ask yourself a few questions before making decisions on whether to pursue tenders:

  • Do you have a strategic reason for pursuing the tender or will it be a time-consuming and costly mutt in a client list of pedigrees. Ask yourself if it fits the growth strategy of your agency.
  • Do you have reason to believe there is that banal but necessary level playing field? For every tender that's on the up and up, there is another one in Eastern Europe that's as dodgy as a 75 hyrnva note.
  • Have you done due diligence. What is the company's history with agencies? If it currently has an agency, and this agency is in the pitch, why is it up for grabs-or is it? You might just be a stalking horse for ideas.
  • What will the pitch take in agency time and resources? Will it take resources away from current clients that could hurt your relationships? The last thing you want to do is leave the bride for the fetching but elusive wedding singer.
  • And definitely don't answer cattle calls. You are better off investing your money in my specially blended Swami's Swamp Juice.

The fact is pitches are fun. They keep the creative juices flowing. But chasing every skirt down the street will tire you out and seriously jeopardize resources and cash.

Swami


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2010-07-12

Dear Swami,

My company is about to sponsor a one-day painting exhibition at a local gallery for a group calling itself the Committee to Protect the Snail Darter. I'm to advise my boss. We're a small Kyiv accounting agency and the sponsorship is nearly $5,000. Don't you think that's excessive? By the way, five other companies are also participating?

Signed: Not Sure

 

Dear Not Sure,

I think you would get more attention to your company if you tacked a sign with the company logo and the words "kick me" on your backside.

Come on not sure, you're as sure as rainwater that this is not where your precious sponsorship dollars should go. Let me count the reasons.

  • The cause has no relevancy to your company and what it does.
  • Don't join the crowd. Own your sponsorships.
  • Sponsorships should be measureable. Unless you have that Angelina gal as a hostess, don't expect a crowd.
  • This doesn't seem like an annual event. For some reason, the 10th annual Snail Darter Art show really doesn't have a ring to it. Sponsorships should be repeatable.
  • Finally, sponsorships should be based on a unique proposition. This one is just wacky.

But, I can tell you one thing, I sure want to find those other five sponsors. I'd like to sell them shares in a leaking nuclear plant, or sponsorship of my next one-song repertoire harmonic concert..

By the way, do you even know what a snail darter is?

Swami
(snail darter is a four inch fish native to a southern U.S. state. It was recently moved form the "endangered" list to the "threatened list."


---
2010-07-09

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The Reality Zone


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Survivor Jorge Intriago: Go-To Guy for FDI


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Failure is an Option


One of the legendary quotes to have come from the American space program was. "Failure is not an option." The words were supposedly spoken by NASA Flight Director Gene Kranz in Mission Control..

Playing the Brand Game


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That Cost Too Much


In media training, we always say there are no bad questions, only bad answers. The same is true when meeting sales objections.

A Note on Social Media Relevance


The good people over at ExactTarget and CoTweet recently released a study detailing some interesting stats on consumer interaction with "social" brands...

Natalia Fesyun: The Belle of Bel Ukraine


For Natalia Fesyun, life has come full circle: She began her business career in the food industry after completing a degree as a food industry engineer at Kyiv State University of Food Technology.

Brand Loyalty: Nirvana
An Executive's Guide to Social Media
Actimel Immunity Challenge Goes Viral
Cartoons
Strategic Approaches

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